Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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