Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
COCAINE IS GR8
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
