He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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