I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
