if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
