my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
