i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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