My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
