just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
