i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I could make wine with my vomit
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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