Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
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