The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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