Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
