The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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