Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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