You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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