and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
