There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Randomize
