I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
