Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
