I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
