We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
