Can Purell be used as lube?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
