There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
