She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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