i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You need Xanax blowdarts
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
