i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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