How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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