i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
