U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
