I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
