Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
