moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
