Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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