when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
