come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
