I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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