When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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