He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
