I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
