that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
