i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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