If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
