I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
