so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
