theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
