We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm sobbing to NWA
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
