Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
