This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
