Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
