so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
