you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
