I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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