How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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