super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
