He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
my being single is dangerous.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
