where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
