It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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