We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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